this morning, i woke up in florida. it was a grand feeling to be able to walk around in flip flops, in the winter mind you, without my toes turning blue. i had forgotten how beautiful and rich tampa is. its hyper chic! i wish all you normanites could see lovely tampon. its...beautiful..and rich! i feel like the country mouse in the big city. everything has changed so much...but me...im still good ole' katy. or just...ole' katy, dreamy days like these i cant quite tell. "kinda like my life is like a sequel to a movie where the actor's names have changed". my friends sound the same, and im not sure some of them will ever find their way out. i like those constants. ive still been afraid that i will see someone who remembers me, but i wont recognize them. "and most of my memories have escaped me, Or confused themselves with dreams..."

::lyrics courtesy of the sexy John Mayer-83:: he is sucha friggen stud. im jealous of his creative way to mold words...so...here is where i can borrow them!

so fly my conscience to the moon
to dance above this memory
amidst the dreams with hazy shine
to sleep beneath the dazzling sea

underneath this canopy
of blazing lights and restless schemes
this tropical land of melodic sighs
stages the dance steps of fickle moon beams

misspelled intentions inhibit momentum, words get in the way.
i cant speak without shaking, my eyes aren't awake, but i feel what im trying to say...
my smile's not responding, my heart is choked up, i am grasping for words in the sky
and all that i see is your heart next to me, and your arms reaching out to hold mine.

Ginray72: oh honey, cowboy up!, everything's going to be better soon
Ginray72: a swift kick in the ass to your happines is all you need!

happy is an emotion im no longer familiar with. come again? smile? never heard of it.

faith is the ground upon which we stand. hope is the star for which we reach. love is the breath of this very moment.
thanks dr. macdaddy roark.

pucker up!

Hell has forgotten my name, and they are more than eager to offer substitutes. Four letters leave a bigger bruise than five fingers. They play word games…but I always lose.

lusamaha: he is really hot
lusamaha: and i think i could be happy just looking at him

Chicken Scratch

Hell has forgotten my name,
and they are more than eager to offer substitutes.
Four letters leave a bigger bruise than five fingers.
They play word games…but I always lose.
I am illeterate to the demands of my peers.
I am not dyslexic but am constantly reflected backwards
in the compact mirrors of society.
I fail their pop quizzes in survival.
They dont understand me.
I wish they didnt believe in numbers.

A vacant smile through hazy bars
casts upon the idle feild
of hallowed cries and moonlit tears
the flighting song of bitter scars

The Ecstasy Of Life

The sand was warm, as was the moist air engulfing me. I glanced above the palm trees to the blanket of stars above me, and smiled back to Orion. Behind the jagged sea wall was the city community, alive with lights and the hum of busy schedules. I felt invisible atop the shells and sand until the first blast of light exploded with the stars. Colors then collided, creating pom-poms of radiance. Joyous shouts and drunken proclamations of independence rang through the air. Curious onlookers streamed to the sands like ants from the hill of Beachfront hotels. I became lost in the show of shimmering fire across the sky. The performance was abruptly intermissioned when He ran over to my sandy hill, crashing into the dune along side me. I silently welcomed this distraction. For a moment, we just stared blankly at the fireworks through the sky peeking between the branches of the palms. His silhouette, momentarily illuminated, made home to an entranced smile… “Charming,” I whispered beneath my breath, “...just…beautiful." His gaze left the sky, and his piercing eyes met mine. Just then, as if a surge of restless energy had been jumped into my body, I lept to my feet and ran. My bare feet dug into the gritty beach sand as I charged towards the crashing waves. My ankles quickly became weak, yet the adrenaline pumping through my veins numbed all my discomfort. I turned around, though never slowing, and saw Him chasing closely behind me. From the view of my hotel room, the water hadn’t seemed so distant. Yet as the roar of the crashing waves grew louder, I could almost taste the salty water.

im sitting here. really...just sitting here. tapping my foot to music thats not playing. wow. i just looked down at my wrist and found a rubber band, that i honestly dont remember putting there. i wonder where it came from! i think im hungry but i cant quite tell. maybe im want to eat just cause im bored. well, either way, it will occupy me...but will it fill me up? not likely! i want my cell phone to ring. odd? most likely. hmm...but i dont feel like doing anything! hmmm again...

i felt foolish today because i stayed hungry

i need new feet. mine dont really work! maybe its my legs too...do you think i could some kind of bargain on a pair?

i want to kiss him...not because he is gorgeous, but because his every word is delicious. where better to meet his words than in the lips that speak them? i want to taste his wonderful

i'm sorry he's all i talk about, but lately, he's all i think about. i am known to speak my mind...i wish it would respond

today, i was looking up at the wall in the acting room, and i saw a picture frame with three newspaper cutouts. they were all critiques of the same play, directed by two students who had graduated just a few years earlier. the reviews were less than flattering, however, their names were mentioned-five minutes of fame-due glory awarded. the detail that actually caught my attention however, is that the three papers were yellow and faded. despite having resided in a dark, flourecent lighted classroom, encased in glass, they managed to loose color. but i wonder if the memories fade as the pages do. have the boys gone on to bigger and better things? maybe there are whole magazine articles about them...not just silly news clippings. or possibly, the articles are as far as they made it. did their big break mean more to them when the article was white? have they just accumulated these old articles? or do they cherish their yellowed memory?

its such a great feeling to be with someone who can talk to you about anything. there is never a dull moment because everything they say is gripping. you dont want to leave them because even in their silence, they speak so many words.

black jack 21, the face cards empty, the game wins for none. the dealer's forecast predicts defeat for all those who dare to step up to the seat. the cash chips fight fiercly to break free your grip, they crash to the table, your pale fingers slip to pick up two cards that are weighed to the table, the jack meets your gaze but the ace isnt stable. this winning hand loses, the cards can't stand still. the ace added zero, the jack fell down hill.

grand book-must have for your own collection.
"The Perks of Being a Wallflower"-Stephen Chbosky

i always wished the Beatles had written a song about me. carter, i really think they will in heaven. and it will be my song. i cant wait...im tappin my toes already

rejection is nothing but personal

i am a star!
i am now in our musical, My Fair Lady-yes Cody, it is grand! i wish you could transfer casts! but i am lousy no-part singer,a Reject! they call us Company Women, which is just a glorified name for chorus. but i am really proud to be in the cast at all-you have to start your way at the bottom and work your way up...plus the theatre isnt ready for my talent. prepare for fireworks Broadway! I also made our jazz choir/show choir. we have the cutest red dresses and tan character shoes. im excited solely for the dress, and i guess for getting to use my voice, haha....hence the whole choir position1. Im also in our Mixed Choir, and i love all the boys and girls. you are all grand! i am so excited because this year is so "performance packed". I love the stage...and even more...the spotlight!!

carter is so hot! what a stud!

a million dollar smile...
can you blame me for flashin that thousand-watter? a compliment like that is a sure fire way to put someone in a mood and a half! get 'em happy and the grins will keep coming!

and the point is...?
It's so silly to try to impress pretty people! The funniest thing yet is that they dont even notice...they are too busy trying to catch everyone else's eyes! Just don't waste your time--the people who truly give a crap wont be impressed...chances are they like the plain you better!

words to live by-
When you are oppressed by a situation, dont just imagine a positive escape, live optimostically.

cleanse my soul!
I dont want dog poop in my brownies-I am the flava forava! Ha...what a fun year!

school? yea!
Today was our first day back to school, and I must say, it wasn't half bad! I really liked all my classes, and the people in them...hmm...I can deal. I am just suprised that they offer classes as fun as they do! I had all my artsy classes today, and am absoultely in love with the whole works...choir, acting...stage! I also have my language...and im soaking it all in, so i can use all my spanish in Mexico. I am almost excited to learn! Tomorrow may not bring as much excitement, but if it flops, i'll always have my A-days to fall back on. I have a feeling this year is gonna fly right on by.

its all over...now is there something to start?
omjeez! school starts tomorrow. summer is almost over! this summer kicked ass, sure, but is there anything i would have done different? ohwell, too late to think about it now...i just gotta get psyched up for school-ha! what a feat!

drizzle for kicks
I love rainy days~they get me to thinking. We picked up my dad at the airport this afternoon, and drove through a sprinkle-when i saw him, i realized how much i missed him. I missed him incredibly, while he stood next to me. Is that crazy? Later that afternoon, I sat on my porch, read a great book and just watched the water fall. I walked away feeling incredibly lonely. I was surprised, that of all emotions, i felt lonliness. So odd!! I have a huuge family, who loves me. And tons of friends, new and old, that are all a blast! Whats missing? Ohwell, the lonliness went away, as soon as the sun came out. The end of the world got postponed, till the next downpour i assume!

words to live by-
Through willpower and courage, some humans can become supermen...they can rise above and control the common herd.
- The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Klay by Michael Chabon

intenesely aware
Today i felt so...alive! Vividly aware of my restlessness, produced by none other than my happiness. I couldnt wait to bust out of my "loaf at home"-funk, but unfortunately, I was trapped indoors all day. Strangely, I'm not complaining. Although I was left inside the house(due to my own laziness despite my desire to leave), my curious attitude alone helped me sustain through the day. I am looking forward to finding something to continously stir myself, to any degree of the excitement I felt today. I need a new passion(but not a creepy, stalker like drive). Come passion, I'm waiting...almost patiently!

momma and boys
Today, we hung out with momma and her girls from work. I am so surprised every time i am with them, cause i realize that my mom is more my friend than an actual parental gaurdian, accept for the respect, and the whole "i can ground u for that smart-ass" aspect. Its so silly to be around the ladies, cause all they do is talk about cute boys. They have more crushes that i have had in years...accept im the only one among them unmarried! They encourage me to have "boyfriends". Any boyfriends i can find, they say i should keep. Theyre just imaginary crushes though, if thats at all concievable. Any guy who is cute and flirts with you, can be your boyfriend. You dont need to know his name, or his age, or anything about him-there is no age restricton. Its so so so silly, but refreshing and fun! My boyfriend at Barnes and Noble is by far the cutest in town. He's much older...which is cool, because in boyfriend-land, real life means nothing. The less chance of an actual relationship, the better it is. But dont get me wrong...he needs the perfect personality. My mother is insane, but i love these silly games.

As i walk through these crowded city streets paced to the rythm of my heart's swift beats,
my invisible steps follow no one's stride, i smile at the windows but few are inside
to return the glance thrown by my hungry eyes, their relations are few, but their dreams reach the skies
where i climb these stairs engulfed by the stars, to see the light of their hopes from afar

In alleys lit by dim moon glow
midnight strikes, yet I, alone,
pace this dungeon, now my home,
seeking company rarely known.
Beneath my feet crumble flames,
memories sold for forgotten names.
faltered smiles, all short of sane
into the silence, drowned by dry rain.

speachless
Have you ever been in the situation where you can just see someone, and are at a loss of words? Even worse is when you attempt a conversation and blow it. Only minutes later, you imagine all of the charming things you could have said, but didnt...or couldnt? Sometimes I clam up, and lose all social abilites...but it seems like it's only with the people I want to be most alive with.

cruisin the town
Today, i feel like walking to LaBaguette. i havent taken a romp around the town in ages! I need to get out, before school starts up again. Hmm..am incredibly bored! Name this tune! :
"...On the corner is a banker with a motor car, the little children laugh at him behind his back. And the banker never wears a mac in the pouring rain...very strange!"

golly!
"One of these days, im gonna doo wah his diddy"...how forward! My...im blushing! I love these silly old radio men, who say things without quite thinking about them!

stubborn
people are difficult. u cant always get them to go where u want them to...so why even try? hmm. do things always need to "go somewhere"? hmm...i like being still personally.

the world collides to endless skies
placing dreams above high clouds
and destiny's fortune rests beneath
charming time and painting lies

a little ditty
ive had this song stuck in my head all day! earlier i even caught myself singing it outloud in public. it was startling to see people stare a little, but its almost empowering!
...sara spelled without an 'h' was getting bored, on a peavey amp in 1984, while zak without a "c" tried out some new guitars, playing sara with no "h" 's favorite song. la da da...zak and sara! ....zak called his dad about layway plans, sara told the friendly salesman, you'll alll die in your cars", and "why's it gotta be dark?", and "you're all working in a submarine, asshole!"...
-zak and sara - ben folds
haha...u can imagine the looks i got.